Mystery Box - Understanding autistic employees
- Can we choose when to be autistic?
- Masking is self-destructive
- Direct communication is crucial
- We miss unwritten rules and implied expectations
- Negative perception
- Summary
Communication between neurotypical and neurodivergent individuals is often difficult, and requires patience and eagerness to learn from both sides. According to double empathy problem, the communication struggles between autistics and allistics (non-autistics) stem from mutual misunderstandings, and difficulty to internalize how the other group sees and interprets the surroundings and communication, rather than autistics’ inherent inability to communicate. However, the struggle is real and leads to difficult situations at school, at work and in families - especially given that in most of such settings, what is accepted as a norm or expected as a professional approach is strictly neurotypical, making it difficult for autistics to adapt.
In this post, I attempt to share an autistic perspective on various work-related situations, expectations and communication with neurotypical bosses, colleagues and interviewers. Please be mindful that the autistic community is immensely diverse - my experiences are not representative of the entire autistic population. Not all of us experience the same difficulties, and not to the same degree - however, my observations of autistic communities I joined indicate there is some degree of similarity, and parallels can often be drawn.
Can we choose when to be autistic?
ASD is a condition that cannot be controlled or undone. Autistic individuals cannot choose to have it or not, or to make the symptoms less severe - just as much as a color-blind person would not start to see differences between various colors if their tried harder. Autism is a neurodevelopmental condition and not a matter of merely a specific mindset, choice, being immature or unwilling to change.
The belief, or hope that autism can be “cured” or reversed enables predatory organizations such as Autism Speaks to thrive, and spread misinformation about autism. It also leads neurotypical parents, relatives and employers to set up unrealistic expectations for autistics, and then frustration when we fail to meet these expectations. On the other hand, it is not too convincing to think autistic people would prefer to face negative consequences of being autistic, if we truly had a choice:
- Attracting negative attention,
- Being an easy target for bullies,
- Feeling over-stimulated and stressed by inputs and situations manageable for neurotypical population,
- Being both misunderstood and struggling to understand others,
- Suffering from co-morbidities, such as OCD, anxiety, depression to name a few.
An extreme scenario is a meltdown or shutdown - a situation where an autistic individual is overwhelmed with stimuli, emotions and/or stress to the point they cannot control themselves anymore. One possible outcome is visible and verbal, uncontrolled reactions - screaming, covering our eyes or ears, escaping, even physical aggression towards ourselves or others. The other may manifest itself as an inability to speak, process verbal and/or sensory inputs, overall numbness, inability to make decision or desire to withdraw and hide in a safe place.
Masking is self-destructive
Neurotypical environments, especially school and workplace, require neurodivergent individuals to behave in neurotypical ways and suppress their individual traits in order to be tolerated. Some autistic individuals are capable of masking - camouflaging their autistic traits in order to meet these expectations. This is especially true for those with less pronounced autistic traits, better developed cognitive abilities, and not suffering from verbal impairment. At face value, it may seem tempting to require autistics to mask in order to fit in - after all, neurotypical peers and superiors would not need to leave their comfort zone and adapt to neurodivergence.
Unfortunately, according to National Autistic Society masking is a highly unhealthy coping strategy that is not only physically and emotionally draining, but also has detrimental effects on individual’s health. It puts an autistic person at an elevated risk of developing depression and anxiety disorders - which are already frequent in autistic population. Likewise, while being on the autism spectrum already makes an individual several times more likely to experience suicidal thoughts, and attempt to take their life, suicidal thoughts and behaviors are again even more prevalent in case of masking autistics. The ability to mask often highlights that we are merely tolerated, not accepted, by society or our environment - a deeply depressing reality.
Moreover, masking fails to address the underlying struggles of autistic individuals. We apply masking to avoid attracting negative attention, and retribution to our non-neurotypical ways of communication. Internally, we remain just as autistic as we would be without masking - and emulating neurotypical behavior is physically and emotionally draining. It is also only partially effective - the more severe an individual’s autistic traits are, the more needs to be done in order to mask them, and the more difficult it is to learn masking strategies in the first place.
Direct communication is crucial
One of the most frequently observed autistic traits - and one contributing to our general struggles with social interactions - is the direct and literal we process messages and information. It is inherently difficult for us to not only notice, but also interpret all of the non-verbal, nuanced social cues that might have a myriad of meanings depending on context - and the sheer complexity of such interactions is simply overwhelming for us. Interacting with an autistic individual and expecting them to correctly interpret such communication is draining for both sides:
- An autistic individual may understand - or choose to understand - such messages literally, but since the intended message was conveyed indirectly, it leads to misunderstandings;
- Otherwise, they might recognize that their interlocutor conveyed an indirect message or gave social cues - however, the autistic person may see various possibilities and struggle to choose a correct interpretation, or may be oblivious of possible other interpretations altogether;
- If they decide to interpret the social cue, it is likely they miss some context the other person knew and took for granted. In that case, the response of an autistic individual would likely be inconsistent with expectations;
- Another way for an autistic individual might be to ask for clarification and explanation - however, it might lead to conflict as the other person may find this ask to be offensive, breaking a taboo, annoying or questioning their authority in case of superior-subordinate relationship;
In all of these cases, an autistic individual is at a significant risk of mis-communicating with the other person. Regardless of the response, it may, and often does lead to conflicts, which in some cases may escalate. Not being able to properly interpret indirect messages and social cues, an autistic individual has no way of responding in a safe and constructive manner if their interlocutor does not acknowledge the necessity of direct communication.
Likewise, autistic individuals are often misunderstood by neurotypical individuals, who expect hidden meanings and nuances, often seeing them where they are not meant to be. The meaning is laid out in plain sight, however our communication would be combed through for intentions and indirect messages. Avoidance of eye contact or an unusual tone of voice often skews how our messages are interpreted, causing further misunderstandings and conflicts.
We miss unwritten rules and implied expectations
Possibly due to literal understanding of communication, and impaired ability to interpret indirectness and social cues, autistic individuals often struggle with what we perceive as lack of integrity - when the rules and expectations set up for us differ from what is actually expected. This is a fairly typical situation in various social contexts:
- Setting up expectations for social interactions, such as getting involved in small talk or not talking about certain subjects;
- Vague requirements and scope of work, with an expectation that the assignee would know all of the necessary context to guess the details;
- Scolding an autistic individual for inappropriate behavior, without explaining what would be expected instead;
- Rules that are in place but never followed;
- Rules that are known to members of the community, but not laid out openly.
Such interactions have a highly negative effect on autistic individuals, for multiple reasons:
- Similarly to indirect communication, we struggle to respond properly in such contexts;
- Failing to follow unwritten rules or correctly interpret expectations often draws negative attention;
- We often face other negative consequences, such as punishments, public shaming, bullying, ostracizing;
- Without being introduced to such rules and expectations, we are often unable to avoid such situations in the future;
- This is typically a repeating pattern, leading to chronic stress, anxiety, social withdrawal, as well as social and professional marginalization.
Negative perception
Coming across as negative is another trait that seems to be fairly common among individuals suffering from ASD. It is vital to acknowledge there are multiple reasons for that:
- Frequent co-morbidities, especially depression and anxiety disorders, make us susceptible to perceiving reality in a pessimistic way;
- Functioning in, and perpetually adapting to a neurotypical society and workplace is an exhausting, never-ending effort that burdens our psyche, leaving little energy for joy;
- We run into plentiful negative situations, which neurotypical individuals can often dodge or de-escalate, leading to elevated stress levels;
- Many autistic individuals endure long-term bullying during childhood and adolescence, leaving lasting trauma into adulthood;
- Higher-functioning autistic individuals, who are capable of finding employment, are typically fully aware of rejection and ostracism they are facing, recognizing certain patterns in behaviors.
These traits and experiences often make us perceive the external world in a negative light. Moreover, our past and current experiences only confirm and reinforce this pessimistic attitude, making it difficult to change the perspective. In workplace settings, we are frequently expected to suppress our autistic traits in order to appear professional and be tolerated - which further contributes to negative perception of reality, which appears to us as oppressive. For these reasons, high-functioning autistic individuals are often highly sensitive to negative communication, such as criticism and rudeness - to us, these are obvious signs of imminent threat, rather than a signal that someone had a bad day.
Additionally, the necessity to survive in an oppressive, if not hostile environment for extended periods makes it difficult for autistic individuals to treat depression and anxiety. If these conditions develop in an autistic individual, it is immensely difficult for them to treat them effectively - without being able to address the causes:
- Being on the autism spectrum in the first place;
- Experiencing negative situations related to their autism, such as public shaming, ostracism, workplace bullying and harassment;
- Functioning in an environment that finds their inherent traits unacceptable.
Summary
It is challenging for autistic and allistic individuals to communicate effectively with each other. These difficulties stem from various factors, from autistics’ struggles with indirect messages, implied expectations, and a baggage of difficult experiences, to over-interpreting autistic behaviors and communication by neurotypical individuals. Autistic people are at a disadvantage in this regard - we are a minority and expected to adapt to a largely neurotypical society, while our condition makes it immensely difficult, if not impossible to meet this expectation.
Improving the situation requires a deeper understanding of why autistic individuals function and behave as they do. Building a safer and more accepting society is a far more effective strategy at alleviating negative sides of autism than stigmatization, ostracism and punishing for displaying autistic traits.