Unsolvable conundrum - Autistic struggles with corporate culture
- Positive / negative tone avoidance
- Unwritten rules
- Communication vs action
- Unsuitable communication channels
- Unexpressed expectations
- Unfavorable performance review process
- Inconsistent standards
- Summary
Have you ever wondered, what does it feel like to navigate a strongly neurotypical workplace as an autist? We have already explored what one can experience as an autistic individual in Seven things I wish I would not hear as an autist - this time, we will take a look at workplace struggles, which I find fairly typical - that is, they tend to re-occur in various workplaces in slightly different ways, though the patterns and themes prevail.
Long story short - it is a lifetime struggle to fit in, a battle we are destined to lose, a labyrinth which keeps shape-shifting and seemingly has no way out. And since the labyrinth is made out of human emotions, unwritten rules, non-verbal communication and implicit expectations, we autists often end up navigating it blindfolded.
This post is based on some of my personal workplace experiences, and is written from my perspective. Almost all of these situations happened while I was still undiagnosed, and only suspected there must be something wrong with me. I will refrain from assuming bad faith and ill intentions for this reason. However, I cannot deny many of such situations show it is not only autists who struggle with flexibility and ability do understand different perspectives and communication styles.
It is entirely possible that a neurotypical - or neurodiverse, but differently - person would perceive some of these as non-issues, or see me as unprofessional due to inability to deal with such situations. It is entirely possible that I am, indeed, having issues with non-issues and keep handling them unprofessionally - though this is precisely why my limitations are limitations.
There are many ways corporate environment can become confusing for an autistic individual:
- Culture of avoiding positive or negative tone,
- Unwritten rules about communication,
- Messages defying actual actions,
- Channels which may not be suitable for neurodivergent people,
- Unexpressed expectations,
- Unfavorable performance review process,
- Inconsistent standards.
Positive / negative tone avoidance
Given culture might not allow the explicit conveyance of negative or positive messages - so you must be able to read between the lines. It often happens that everything is phrased positively, so you’re bound to hear that everything you do is great, with a slight ‘but.’ Likewise, you are expected to follow suit and if you find it appropriate to criticize someone, you better praise them instead or not say anything at all.
The tone of communication is often biased towards positive or negative phrasing; the stronger the bias, the more confusing it is for me. I see such communication as uniform, I am rarely able to read between the lines; even when I am, I do not trust myself as I misinterpret indirect communication more often than not. Over time, I tend to become desensitized to positive messages, finding them meaningless, or overwhelmed by criticism without clear guidance on improvement.
How does it manifest itself?
In such circumstances, it is easy for an autist to become an outlier, and stick out like a sore thumb. Various things can happen:
- Your stress levels could become excessively high,
- You would miss criticism or negative feedback if it is passed indirectly,
- Likewise, you would not take actual praises seriously and feel unappreciated, since it is near impossible to tell a genuine praise apart from veiled criticism,
- You may give someone feedback in a way that is not acceptable in given corporate culture - for instance, in a direct manner instead of cushioning it, or by not cushioning it sufficiently to meet the standards.
- You may not express excitement sufficiently, and you would be perceived as negative and a party popper. I am not good at pretending, and I rarely get excited about anything, especially not what corporate culture would expect. In an extreme case, due to this (and following escalation paths in certain circumstances), I ended up with an annual performance review calling me ‘two-faced.’
Why do I struggle with this as an autist?
The primary reason why it is difficult to navigate such environment is taking communication at face value. In order to be able to understand what the other person needs, I need them to speak about it openly rather than expect me to read their mind. Likewise, when I communicate with others, I usually choose direct, transparent and open (sometimes overly open) communication style as this is the kind of message I would appreciate and find understandable. This style is often found offensive by neurotypical people, especially from strongly hierarchical and indirect cultures. It is typically assumed I do this with malicious intent, and I rarely get a chance to explain myself - and never on equal footing.
How can this be addressed?
Unfortunately, my limitations are pretty much hard-wired into my brain - there is more and more research and evidence on differences between autistic and neurotypical brains. Differences include:
- Different brain structure - some areas may be more or less developed in an autistic brain,
- Atypical brain activity and connections between various areas - same stimuli may activate entirely different areas than in a neurotypical brain, and the degree of activation may vary too,
- We process the same inputs, but not in the same way - as evidenced by impaired ability to read between the lines. Other examples include over- and under-sensitivities to stimuli such as light or sound,
- Even brain size seems to be different - I always tended to have a significantly larger head than my peers, and it was often ridiculed at school and at work. My fellow autistic friend also has an unusually large head, and statistically speaking, autists seem to be perceived as younger than their true age due to distorted body size proportions.
The only viable solution to this seems to embracing direct and honest communication. With almost 30 years of experience in being punished and reprimanded into submission, I can personally attest such measures are highly ineffective, however they seem to be a go-to solution in both educational and workplace settings.
Unwritten rules
Every culture has its own sets of taboos and unwritten rules, and corporate cultures are no different. Such cultural norms do not get written down anywhere, but often take precedence over rules and policies that do get put into writing.
What unwritten rules can I miss?
Examples of such unwritten rules include:
- Not participating in certain meetings you are required to attend to - depending on various factors, such as power distance between you and the highest-ranking person in a meeting. In extreme cases, I was reprimanded for speaking up in technical meetings in presence of people with the same role I had, but with longer tenure in the team. Even several months of difference could be enough.
- Not disagreeing with certain people in your project, regardless of the merit of their statements - most of the time, nobody would tell you up-front that some people are too important, sensitive, or both, to be disagreed with. You should not mess with the big man - frankly, it’s almost never a woman, males are the corporate drama queens - though nobody would tell you, since everybody considers it obvious. You correct the big man in good faith, and now it’s you who is in trouble.
- Some technical debt should not be touched - it is sometimes an extension of the previous rule, since paying off this tech debt would be on par with saying the big man was wrong some years ago. Otherwise, the team may strongly believe they are following best practices - for instance, due to inexperience with certain technology - and you should rather forsake your own experience with it, than mess with the team. This is another great opportunity for an autist like me to cause a major drama by attempting to contribute in good faith.
- Certain technical topics should not be raised by someone below a certain level - it is one of the most difficult rules for me to deal with. Pre-pandemic, I grew used to being encouraged to set the bar higher to foster growth. Post-pandemic, and several years of service later, I am not allowed to take on challenges I could successfully tackle as a Junior Software Engineer years ago, and it is now customary that even as a Software Engineer II I should not get involved. Likewise, anytime I encourage my peers to participate in particular initiatives, they would rather back off.
Autistic perception of unwritten rules
Autistic people miss such rules quite frequently - most of the time, they would not realize they are in place until they are explicitly told about them. To add insult to injury, such unwritten rules may be highly contextual, that is they apply in some cases, however in others they don’t, or even worse, the opposite behavior should be applied. It is fairly typical for an autist to miss such nuances - so, even if we succeed at learning these rules, we will follow them at inappropriate moments.
On top of that, if such rules are set in a convoluted, nuanced and emotional way, it makes things worse for people like myself - it is inherently difficult, if not impossible for me to internalize, understand and accept rules that are not logical, rational and serving a practical purpose. In fact, I find practicality paramount, and I find it highly impractical to protect anybody’s overgrown ego at the company’s and coworkers’ expense.
Can anything be done about this?
It would be far easier to follow corporate rules if they were:
- Put into writing,
- Easily accessible for reference,
- Had an explicit explanation why they were put in place,
- Followed common sense and logic rather than emotions.
Communication vs action
As it happens, corporate culture is often all about impressions and declarations, however actions rarely follow suit after what is being communicated - and almost never consistently. I am aware it is not always possible to stay true to one’s own declarations - things go south, we are all stressed out, and sometimes we just have to cut corners. However, as an autistic person I am quite sensitive to such inconsistency - and find it highly confusing, frequently increasing my stress level.
How does such inconsistency manifest itself?
There are many ways in which companies and teams do not stay true to their own statements - at least in my personal perception:
- Company values may include prioritizing customer experience, but then there is no Quality Assurance in place, and I am told not to test my changes because there isn’t enough time,
- An employer may emphasize transparent communication, and then they would introduce policies without prior notice, with retroactive dates, or even without informing employees about the policy’s details,
- I may be told the timeline is tight and there is no time for technical improvements, only to end up stuck, unable to meet deadlines because of technical debt - yet still forbidden to address even the smallest wins,
- Likewise, the team might claim the deadlines are close and we need to postpone certain efforts, but continue attending fruitless and unrelated meetings or stick to inefficient ways of working.
- I once joined a company boasting about its highly egalitarian, open Swedish work culture, only to find out internally it is quite hierarchical, and decisions are made behind the scenes without team’s input.
How do I perceive such situations?
To put it bluntly, if I notice one’s actions defy one’s declarations, I would find them to be dishonest and undependable. After all, how can I count on my teammate or employer, if things they do are the opposite of what they say? In such circumstances, if I do not quit or change the team immediately, I tend to grow increasingly grumpy, distrustful, and stressed out since I cannot possibly know what to expect. Either way, it is not healthy nor comfortable for me to end up job skipping for such reasons, nor for the company to hire someone only to discourage them from getting engaged due to lack of integrity.
Unsuitable communication channels
The differences in how I process information make it easier for me to process some kinds of information, while highly difficult if not impossible to deal with others. It is often advised to support neurodivergent people - not only autistics, but also those with ADHD - with written communication, such as putting instructions in writing rather than only passing them in speech.
What kind of struggles may an autist experience?
Based on my own experiences and perception, I could name a few examples of what kind of communication gives me a hard time:
- Using speech in a moderately loud environment - I can spot a whistling kettle from far away, or hear AC wires buzzing quietly inside a socket, but if someone talks to me quietly when a dishwasher is working or asks me a random question in an open space on a busy day - most likely I would not be able to distinguish the words they are saying. It is not even a matter of language unfamiliarity - I have the exact same problem when a person is speaking to me in Polish and English. In fact, I would find it easier to understand a Czech (I don’t speak Czech) or German (I barely speak German) person in a quiet space, than to understand a Polish native speaker at a bus stop near a busy road.
- Using spoken language as a primary form of communication - cultural differences play a role here. For instance, my Indian co-workers are quite notorious for requiring me to communicate in speech rather than text. Instead of reading a message or ticket description, they would rather call me and ask to repeat, similarly if I ask for code review my Indian colleagues would prefer to go through the PR on a call rather than put written comments. Likewise, while I worked in an almost exclusively Indian team, the Jira tickets would be left almost empty, and all instructions would be given during a meeting and not written down. Likewise, knowledge base was full of meeting recordings rather than written documentation.
- Even if something is put into writing, it may not be accessible for other reasons. The information could be sent via an unexpected channel, or scattered across multiple random destinations, and you need to know where to look for it or whom to ask about it to get access. Sometimes it is, again, assumed to be obvious this is how information is stored. All of this adds difficulty in a needless manner.
- Using confusing vocabulary and abbreviations - it is another layer of complexity which make communication harder for me. Using class naming conventions which do not convey the actual responsibility of a class makes code highly confusing for me. Similarly, it may seem cool to name a microservice Hercules, but then it would become a mind-boggling conundrum for me to reason about interactions between Hercules, Hades and Anubis than between some mundane MailServer, PurchaseNotifier and maybe SalesHistory. Likewise, I get hopelessly lost in abbreviations like BCP, ICS, GWDC, NYWB and whatnot, even after months of exposure.
How can one improve communication with a neurodivergent person?
From my personal perspective, there are various ways communication with me may be improved:
- Use written, asynchronous communication as a primary way of communicating with me. Asynchronous does not mean I am not available right now - I may respond immediately, but I may also need to read your inquiry thoroughly, think about an answer, do some research, put it into words and go back to you after a few minutes or hours.
- If you need to talk to me, ensure I am able to understand you. Choose a quiet, moderately secluded area where there would be fewer distractions - such as less crowded corridor as opposed to open space full of people in video calls, or a kitchen full of chatting people.
- Put all agreements and requirements into writing, and make it easily accessible for our future selves. That way, it would be easier for me to find it later on, and reference it.
- Ensure the communication is clear and to the point - fancy names, uncommon abbreviations and chaotic, unstructured text only make it harder for me to understand your intent.
Unexpressed expectations
In some corporate cultures, there are certain expectations about what you should or should not do, and they are often assumed to be too obvious to be written down and communicated explicitly. Such expectations are usually closely related to other aspects of corporate culture, such as:
- Indirect communication,
- Hierarchical environment,
- Unwritten rules.
How such expectations affect autistic people?
In short, the outcomes are rather similar to other aspects of indirectness and implicit communication:
- If something is not clearly expected to be done, an autist may remain oblivious to it, or simply choose not to do it. After all, if something is not required explicitly, it must be rather unimportant, and perhaps optional.
- Likewise, if an expectation is set in a rather indirect and cushioned way, we may underappreciate its importance. For instance, if a requirement is critical and must not be refused, but it is put into words that suggest otherwise to soften the message, I would not be able to read one’s mind and realize its actual criticality.
- When I get asked a question, or somebody asks me for code review or feedback, I respond honestly and speak my mind. I will do my best to phrase it in a respectful and constructive manner, avoiding aggressive or derogatory phrasing - however, criticism would remain criticism. If a person is sensitive to negative feedback, or expects me to answer in a certain way, disappointment is unavoidable.
- It works in the opposite way, too. It was often pointed out that at my level, I should not get involved or give feedback about certain technical aspects. I find such feedback confusing and not quite understandable - if I get hired for a technical role, and happen to have certain experience in certain technical aspect, it is rather natural for me that I should use it to contribute, rather than pretend I do not have certain qualifications.
What can help an autist do a better job at meeting expectations?
If something is truly important, the best approach is to communicate it openly and directly. It is immensely helpful to communicate all vital expectations directly, and similarly be precise about which requirements are only optional, conditional or nice-to-have. This way, chances that I would meet your expectations are greatly increased, since the single crucial obstacle is removed.
The communication about expectations can be further improved by providing a logical explanation of why given requirement is in place and why its priority is higher or lower than others. This way, it makes it easier for an autistic person to align with this expectation, and even advocate for them themselves.
Lastly, if my strengths and abilities contrast with what is expected of me, it is better to establish a way to contribute with my strengths without crossing the line. Otherwise, if my abilities are forcibly suppressed by corporate culture and policies, while my weaknesses are left exposed and punished, I am bound to feel unappreciated and unable to contribute, greatly undermining my motivation and commitment. Regardless of compensation and job title, I find it deeply disturbing if I have to deliberately conceal my qualifications simply because a person with certain job title is not allowed to have those.
Unfavorable performance review process
Performance score in most corporate environments I found myself in was usually divided into two parts:
- How an individual contributes,
- How an individual behaves.
The final score is then based on these two factors somehow - sometimes the result is averaged out, in other companies the lower of the two would be taken as a final score.
How do I fare in such assessment framework as an autist?
Due to my strong technical skills, and natural ease of grasping highly technical concepts, technical contributions are the very area I should in theory shine in. Behavioral assessment, though, is one I consistently lag behind due to my lack of social skills and find hard to keep up with. The reality is even more unfavorable, though:
- The technical part is typically based on accomplishing OKRs rather than factors such as peer feedback. The personal OKRs become easily outdated as the team’s priorities shift and take precedence. For example, I might have set up OKRs related to the team’s security initiatives, but within a few months, management might decide to prioritize system performance or a new feature. Taking the performance review rules to the letter, I typically give myself the lowest or second lowest performance score, even in technical areas; I find it appropriate given my failure to deliver personal OKRs after priorities shift.
- On behavioral part, lagging behind is only the tip of the iceberg. It would not be even remotely as much as an issue if I could simply improve on it and score better next time - unfortunately, my lack of social skills and inability to understand indirect, nuanced, non-verbal communications makes it even more difficult for me to catch up, and instead of closing the gap, the gap keeps growing.
- In the last few years, there has been a significant shift in expectations companies set for their employees and contractors - technical skills are no longer paramount. Before 2020, I could mostly focus on technical development, and avoiding aggressive or rude behaviors would essentially suffice in terms of soft skills. In the post-pandemic world, however, Software Engineers are expected to have at least reasonably good social skills, which does not exactly benefit autistic individuals who are fairly notorious for not having them.
- My performance reviews often focus on my weaknesses and the the need to improve. My strengths are rarely acknowledged, and even when they are, it tends to be an attempt to soften the reality that I don’t meet the company’s expectations. It is rare, though, that I am genuinely able to implement the corrective measures, as they are usually tailored for neurotypicals, and communicated in a way suitable for a neurotypical person.
Needless to say, I do not fare well in reviews. I consistently get poor to average scores because of my struggles to fit in, my direct communication style (which some find uncomfortable or offensive), and my general difficulty with diplomatic interactions. I am also poor at advocating for myself to better expose my technical contributions - since, according to the rules I am compelled to follow, these contributions are considered insignificant if I fail to deliver on the outdated OKRs.
Because of this, I have mostly come to terms with the fact I am unable to keep up, and thus cannot escape being scored low. Additionally, I actively avoid the topic of possible promotions in the future, I do not seek promotion, and generally never ask my Line Managers about it. First and foremost, I would find it highly inappropriate to discuss this while performing so poorly. Secondly, in a more senior role I would be assessed even more rigorously in terms of my underdeveloped social skills, which is not exactly desirable.
Can performance review support autists?
The trend of emphasizing social skills by employers is most likely here to stay, and I do not expect they would go back to emphasizing technical abilities in years to come. I would also not endorse making an exception for people like me, and applying different rules for autists. This would feel unfair, and could encourage using neurodiversity as and excuse for deliberate misbehavior.
What I hope could be possible is to take into account one’s autism to assess whether their behavior could stem from their limitations, and if so - whether it is possible for them to change their behaviors to be more acceptable for the team and organization. Otherwise, it would often be helpful to at least try to understand an autist’s perspective, as we often cross the line in good faith - as in the case of escalating a security incident to protect the customers. Maybe, just maybe, it could yield better results if genuine good intents and motives of an autist were acknowledged, if that was the case.
Inconsistent standards
One of the most important corporate rules I learned throughout my career could be phrased as follows:
No matter who did what, no matter what happened, it is your fault and you would be held responsible for that.
There are cases when I did indeed misbehave, when I crossed the line without realizing, or assumed behaviors I find unacceptable today were the norm to be followed. In fact, there were probably more such situations than I can remember, and this is still more than I would be comfortable to admit. There were cases, however, where even after years I cannot think of what did I do wrong or how could I have averted the negative consequences.
When does this get out of hand?
There are cases, however, when someone is crossing the line so blatantly I was baffled the blame would still be put on me. To give a few examples:
- I got into rather heated arguments with Security Team at once company, since I reported a severe security incident to them and they decided to deny it. Being a data-driven and persistent creature, I resorted to preparing reports and extracting evidence, while Security Team would insist the data is made up with no counter-evidence. In the meantime, my Line Manager would forbid me to say negative things to her (such as escalating this situation) and punish me by calling me two-faced in my performance review.
- On another occasion, I was tasked with rewriting a number of FaaS components with a deadline measured in weeks, no genuine onboarding to the project, and mostly absent Team Leader - me and the other guy were new hires. Upon investigation, I informed him that the state we found the system to be in makes the deadline infeasible - to the point the only few tests in existence have not compiled for months. He chose to agree superficially, but then ignore my feedback and insist on the deadlines. When I decided to leave the company after probation ended - as a farewell, I was told by the Team Leader that my insistence on testing was a sign of entitlement.
- Lastly, at one company I crossed the line with some System Architects by speaking up about a number of significant design flaws in technical decisions they already made or insisted on making. As a result, one of the System Architects became furious, yelling and insulting me in front of a witness. Our Line Manager chose to have a conversation with me and reprimand me, as I should not provoke this person, and ideally I should refrain of providing input or feedback in the next five or so years. Needless to say, I knew immediately I do not belong there and should seek a new job, even if I get labeled a job skipper for this.
Can the standards for autists be improved?
This might sound surprisingly brutal, however it is what it is. Regardless of circumstances, as an autist, I am the person who stands out, one way or another. This tendency to stand out despite best efforts to fit in makes the likes of us easy targets for blaming, holding responsible for things, and punishing to set an example for others. And frankly, it makes perfect sense to me - it is true that I get under someone’s skin every so often, that I am not exactly a likable individual, and that often, the problem wouldn’t exist if I weren’t there in the first place.
A possible, though unlikely scenario could be to create a more supporting work environment. One where an autist could discuss their hardships with peers and manager, and find a way to contribute and communicate with colleagues in such a way nobody would feel offended, and neurotypicals and neurodivergents could have a chance to better understand each other. After all, we are a minority, unlikely to speak up, and even then not in the most diplomatic or persuasive way. Plus, due to our inherent traits, we also happen to not be the most likeable individuals, so few would be willing to advocate for us anyway.
Summary
Life of an autistic person is not easy in a typical corporate reality. Everyday struggles experienced by neurodiverse people, including autists, contribute to elevated stress levels and often prevents us from being our best selves. As a result, it may lead to frequent job changes - as in my case, hampered professional development, and in extreme cases, even unemployment and being excluded from the job market entirely.
I can only hope that over the next few decades, workplaces would become more inclusive and understanding for neurodivergent individuals. As of now, I see a rather opposite trend, with employers setting the bar ever higher in terms of social and interpersonal skills, and punishing employees who fail to meet these standards. Hopefully, the next generations of employees would not have to experience such struggles themselves.